well.. me untold

I was not sure i knew enough about myself to do this, lesser still how much i dared to bare, im not writing yr name who tagged me...but you knw right..and as fr my stand to let anyone on my blogroll remains the same NO!

oky here i let go..

1.I love the guitar, always have. I can spent hours working out the tabs of my favourites. But, dont listen to any of the hallowed strummers. and also i dnt play on request or perform..its private very private to me

2. While in 5th standard, i scribbled vitriol on the desks of fellow classmates and
never owned up to it when the whole class was questioned.

3. When i was a kid, my biggest ambition was beating my uncle at chess (he was a state champ once). I took a long time, but once achieved, i never lost to him again and also lost interest in chess.

4. A crossroad of my life was when i skipped the trials at the school badminton camp to concentrate on upcoming tests. I have not won a single sport accolade ever since.

5. I have driven bike on 3 feet wide boundary on the bridge at night; never seen anybody else do it!

6. My first crush was so early in school, i cant even remember. We grew up together and I grew out of it.

7. I love those history books, Wars, religions, conquests, Eras!! was at one time only student in the entire school who knows everything about Russian revolution!!

8. I hate stretched/bargaining shopping. Period.

9. My clothes have always have been rotated perfectly until I give it away to charity. Worn out is pretty much my usual look, kurta and jeans is my favorite attire.

10. I am a left-wing liberal democrat at heart. But, that is no destination, only the motel of choice today. Previous hangouts include communism, hindu nationalism and a stint as a bleeding-heart liberal LOL.

11. I adore Ruskin Bond, Woodstock, Elliot, frost ; wonder what would have come happened to my thirst if they had not got tired of writing more...

12. But for the conversation, I can’t figure out what attracts me to a woman. Everytime it has been so different, yet so unique.

13. Once in secondary school, i dozed off over a book mid-afternoon and neighbours had to help mom and sis to break open the door as i wouldn't wake up to their calls.

14. We have never had a good chat; no man to man words. Yet, i know my Dad loves me more than anyone else; but life has conspired so, I cant bring myself to return even a fraction of it.

15. I have very few good friends. But, the ones i make usually grow better with the years and we share all of life's best.

16. My biggest dream is also my biggest responsibility- to live happy..and to add a prefix to my name just like my mom

17. The first time i watched an adult movie, in the summer after my secondary school year, i was so ashamed of myself, i ran away from the room midway. Now, looking back, i am ashamed I did that.

18. Three things i want to do before settling down in life- learn to speak French and Spanish, and learn to dance.

19. My worst nightmare- someone dear dying in my absence.

20. I want to raise a boy. My boy will live life just the way he wants, and i will grow up with him all over again.

Life is like that!!!

"-When you love somone make sure she/he is the happiest person in the world even if it takes you to part away with a pound of your flesh and even if he/she never cares about that pound of flesh.
All points were excellent ones, Perhaps this one is too, Could you explain why should I part with my pound of flesh (even though I REALLY need to part with many pounds :D) for someone who doesn't appreciate it?" ---- thats what i say

The answer to this question is not as easy as it may seem. I can talk at length about things like love is all about sacrifice, wiping off her tears, being the veil that protects her from all pains and sorrows and blah blah blah. But I dont really feel like saying so coz I am on a dial up here and you know phone bills send your parents BP rocketing out of the stratosphere.

I'll just let you know about a story.... there was a guy lets call him X, there was a gal lets call her Y and then there was a second guy lets call him Z. X and Y lived in almost the same neighbourhood and X loved Y and as usual Y didnt know about it. Before X could tell it to Y, Y came over to X and told him that she loves Z who is X's friend and could he please help her to get close to Z. Now X could have taken 2 routes either he could've shrugged off Y telling her that this is none of his business or he could've helped her to get close to Z although at his own cost. I dont really have enough information on why he did it but I am told that this guy X took the 2nd option. He helped Y come close to Z, then they fell in love and X arranged for their dates. There were times when Z told X that hez going on a date with Y and he has told his mom that hez going over to X's place. Then our Mr. X used to spent 2-2.5 hours alone in the nearest cineplex so as to make sure this lie stays. The story didn't end there, its still on, although X is now out of the scene, he never got slightest of thanks for his efforts from either Y or Z, he never expected one to come and now, with all this behind him he is working his way up his career.

Now the million dollar question is, why did X do that? its somewhat similar to the "why" in the question raised above. Forget about love and lust for a moment, the moot point is why the hell should I do something good for a person who deosnt even care for it?

The reason I feel is that life is not a barter where you do give and take all the time and you dont give unless you've got something in return. You do all this not becasue you expected anything in return from the person you are doing it for but you do it coz the "good guy" inside you ie your soul tells you that this is the right thing to do and in a life where you rarely get a chance to do "right" things this is one chance you should not miss.

Similar is love, when you like someone you dont put any kind of precondition that she/he should also love you. She/he may love n number of other people but thats doesnt matter, does it? what matters is the bottom line and the bottomline is that you love her/him. She might not care for what you do for her right now but then consider had she been in love with you then you would've definitely done this and mebbe much more for her. Then why not now, just coz she deosnt love you... wow! you arent's a selfish little rat are you?

And then fundamentally speaking, I feel that life is all about makng people around you happy. Maybe in the process you might have to shed a few smiles but again I feel that its worth it. For me, personally speaking, seeing a smile on her face is more important than a job at PnG. I also feel that if you keep helping people, making them smile, sharing their sorrows and making their life beautiful they do take notice of it and try to do the same for you.

Its not that I always follow what I've written over here. There are numerous occasions when I feel upset that the people for whom I am working my ass off dont even recognise this fact. I am told by people around me that you are a fool doing the uneccessary for the ungreatful.... you are a bum idiot! and I say ..... " I coulda had class. I coulda been a contender. I coulda been somebody, instead of a bum, which is what I am, let's face it." life's like that only !

Ambivalence is becoming my virtue...

I dont know what kept me away from my sounding board this last month. My mind is ready with incisive remarks- from the mundane boredom and business argument to pretentious corny lines like the need for a sabbatical to rediscover my passion in life and a pre-natal urge to shut myself off, disappear and live free for a moment.
All of them help lighten the load- the load of regret at leaving so much untold, at knowing very well that any attempt at heaving the backpack of those memories through this to the light of expression at the blog will be painfully forced. If i am back, it is because i have realised that my passion is staring right at me, the problem never was one of havong to find it. It was about being assiduous in its pursuit.
I look back today and see that life's lane is littered with promises half-fulfilled, endeavors part ended, and a generally unhealthy proportion of part Bs resorted to. I have always aimed far for my range, believed in having the stars at the moon's expense rather than aiming for the neighbourhood lamppost.
But what if i was starting the pursuit withe smugh confidence of getting to the stars?
What if this confidence and my self-imposed barrier to influences of higher class meant that i was content with lackluster slothful efforts, as my fellow frogs in the well were trained at only the lowly lamppost....
I need to buck up. As events race through spacetime, i cannot be led astray by fantastic indolence, for i deserve better treatment from myself. My blog remains my exit, my vent; but i wonder if it should be more, part of my system of checks and balances???

i am a Non Believer!!

I am a Non Believer
I do not believe in God , even though I type His name in capital.
I do not believe in You , even though all of you are my friends.
I do not believe in Destiny , even though people say its decided.
I do not believe in Violence , even though its the only way to win a war.
I do not believe in Commitment , even though thats the only way to a successful relationship.
I do not believe in Authority , even though you cant by pass it.
I believe in What I Am.
I believe in What I Can Do.
I believe in Myself.